A Valentine's Day Assessment for All

Lisa LaGeorge

February 12

Ahhhhhh, Valentine's Day. For some people, Valentine's Day is the fulfillment of all their romantic dreams: flowers, candy, dinner, and grand sweeping gestures. For others, the day is a reminder of undesired solitude and disappointment--and I don't just mean the singles. People might find themselves in any number of dispositions toward Valentine's Day. Can you identify your response here? When it comes to Valentine's Day, do you:

Ignore it. It is possible to simply ignore Valentine's Day, to pretend it doesn't happen, to turn away from the candy and flower displays. The busier life is, the easier it is to pull this off. Just keep cramming. Don't look at the calendar; it is simpler not to think about it if you don't even know what the date is.
Disdain it. Some folks think of Valentine's Day as an utter waste of time and money! So artificial. It's really just a product of the greeting card industry, right? And what is up with all of the inferior chocolate?
Mourn it. For some, this time of year, or maybe this year in particular, is especially painful. Relational disappointment or betrayal makes the season's focus on hearts and roses more than unpleasant. Tears may swim near the surface and lament is close at hand.
Turn inward. The theme song of this disposition starts with "I can buy myself flowers. . ." Well, if nobody is going to care about me, I'm just going to have to do it myself.
Party. Turn up the music, bring on the drinks. Look for temporary pleasure, even if it rings hollow in the company of strangers.

I can look back at my journals over the years and find my own attitudes and experiences reflected in the list above, and I have to say, some years have not been pretty. There is nothing for the sad heart like an annual societal notice that you don't quite measure up, right? Or that yet another church event is targeted only at couples? Or that maybe God is withholding some good thing?

Do you see yourself in any of those Valentine's Day responses? Have you considered how you are handling it? Maybe you dive deep into mourning or partying. Or, maybe you look at this list and recognize a combination of these factors. Certainly, not all aspects of the list above are unhealthy. You have the freedom to not celebrate a holiday. There is a time to mourn and a time to party. There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying yourself flowers.

But there is more to be considered. I would encourage you, whether you are single, seriously dating, engaged, or married to use Valentine's Day as an excuse to assess how you love others. What words would you use to describe your love? Reticent? Fearful? Begrudging? Generous? Affectionate? Selfish? Eager? How would your family and friends describe your care? Why do you give the gifts that you do? What are the motives behind your Valentine's activities (or lack thereof)?

Maybe such an assessment will lead you to rejoice in the work of God in your heart, to gratefulness for His provision of family, friends, and grace beyond measure. Or, perhaps, like me some days, that assessment may lead to repentance for a selfish, bitter attitude. I want to be adored and can manifest quantities of protective snark in the absence of such affection.

Finally, let me suggest another Valentine's response to add to considerations:

6. Serve one another. What might it look like for you to spend Valentine's Day finding ways to make people smile? Lonely people? Strangers? The elderly? How about the (other) singles in your life? Or the recent widowers? How about the wait staff at the restaurant? Grand sweeping gestures are nice; flowers and sub-par chocolates are great; but so is a text. Call. Email. Cry with your friends who are mourning and then go get a pedicure with them. Throw a party. You won't regret it!

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34-35