My left leg shuddered at each moment the left foot pounded the ground below. It tensed, stressed and then relaxed as the right foot worked harder, typical over recent months, to push my entire body along the path. I was surrounded by greenery and open space for exercise and wellbeing.
The green that surrounds the step upward
The air smoothly rushes across my face, slower than it did a year before, representing a dream of my past self floating me toward an unknown future.
I continue to jog.
The movement is a natural thrill of being free and careless. Under the sun and surrounded by the trees of this large park. I think that I can take these steps, fast or slow with a goal to progress, push forward, a return to where I was and where I wanted to be.
Where was I going and where did I come from?
Who did I want to be? Who am I.
This is a first attempt to run since my accident, where recovery began. Action in the present, memories in the past.
Me - over 10 years ago running around - free
While luck played a huge part on getting me here, healing was a key part of this journey. It's never been a process that just happened without the effort and commitment I gave to myself, to my body, to my mind.
Exercise has been a remedy.
Remedies are sometimes decisions in life, when determining to use physical therapy can create a unique pass for a brighter outcome or do the opposite to take a track of avoidance that can lock you in peril forever. Taking action speaks louder than a suggestion from a medical professional. Friends said to me, 'it'll be ok', but without making a decision to alter a situation, you can envelope your body in a constant cacoon.
This run is making my heart pound harder, faster, stronger. It beat like I'd never known, because the pounding signified I was moving toward something my body needed to reaccustom to action. Recovery is to be myself again. To reclaim my life. To be well again. To breathe a deep sigh of relief. To seek a good vibration to acknowledge where I'd been and toward where I wanted to be.
The shudder in my left leg symbolised where I needed to focus my efforts for rejuvenation. Current feelings could leave me. The push forward feels more like a push back to before this life chapter began.
Breathe. The leg shuddering is getting a bit stronger. Breathe. In time it will re-adjust.
When I fell off a building a few months ago, I wasn't witness to the life changing moment. I remember nothing. The Brain Injury I suffered had shielded me from the torment of the fall.
I was oblivious to the reasons behind why I woke up on a hospital bed. I was told that four weeks earlier I had stumbled from a roof onto a concrete pavement 15 metres down to the ground and broke my femur. I stared back in confusion. Blank without emotion to where my body had been.
Femurs are strong bones, albeit weak when they collide with manmade rocky soil from great heights.
After my accident - I also had facial nerve damage shown in this photo
Numbers, figures, odds and possibilities were defining the world I saw when I awoke.
The moment I could get out of the hospital bed was a time where I sensed there was a struggle ahead. I limped around the ward with each step returning me to physical movement. I knew the progress of my recovery was a desperate reclamation of my body, an ownership of my senses and sensibilities.
Exercise would gradually recuperate me. I knew it with certainty as I stared at my face in the reflective mirrors of the hospital ward.
The running shoes hitting the ground continues, in a faster pace than my body could handle over recent months. The aching leg required a time to work hard then relax, mould to become a recuperated limb. Today I know I can do this, I want to do this, I need to do this.
I looked at the green leafy trees thinking of growth. Spring was influencing the park with blooming flowers and green leaves. No tree grows directly upward, like a straight and uninterupted pillar. Each branch is the result of the environment, be it the sun or temperature, be it rain or hail. The tree continues to grow in directions decided by the world it lives in. The external conditions damage or change the tree's form. Though it still grows.
My left leg can't take anymore. I need to stop stretch and breathe.
I abruptly stop on the track.
I look for a small bench to stretch and breathe, to take pride in my accomplishment. All the initial slow limping to walking to running is progressing me. To what I could do before. To what I can do again.
Surrounded by my desperation to be healthy, I can see that each step is a restorative process to a new me.
I step on. The left leg took immense pressure and built strength to perform with each moment my left foot collided with the ground below. This is how training works. Until next time my remedy.
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