Perhaps you might have seen the "Your Feelings are Valid" memes. Kinda dumb question since you see them on ads for Live Therapy or on a piece of clothing. Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, we have to talk about the power of emotio…
Perhaps you might have seen the "Your Feelings are Valid" memes. Kinda dumb question since you see them on ads for Live Therapy or on a piece of clothing.
Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, we have to talk about the power of emotions and how they influence our thoughts. I am sure there will be readers who will protest: "I am the master of my emotions. I am a rational being. No one can influence me that easily."
That's a LOT of nonsense. Consider the power of music. Take any genre of music, everything from rap to Beijing opera to Mozart and Bach to heavy death metal to Taylor Swift to Shakira, and give it enough time, those songs will affect your mood. Some songs bring out nostalgia while others capture frustration and heartache. Some songs are "downers" and others are "uppers". Don't believe me? Try it out.
Take your favorite album and list all the emotions each song describes or supposed to evoke. Then explain why that is your favorite album.
What do you do with all these emotions? On the one hand, yes, the emotions are valid. That includes the negative emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, and loneliness. You can see on the emotion wheel below that there are plenty of variations of the "afraid, sad, and dislike" since the outer edges are much more descriptive.
Unfortunately, this is where people with little emotional control stops their analysis. They feel that since their emotions are valid, the actions that follow must also be valid. I refer mainly to teenagers whose brains have not fully developed to learn how to govern their emotions. Additionally, teenagers lack the necessary life experiences that creates an extra tool to process their emotions.
Why do you think there are so many teen suicides or overdoses? Or school shootings by teenagers? One tragic case I saw on a true crime show was a 19 or 20 year old man who was still obsessed with his high school ex-girlfriend. He went to her school in Florida and murdered his perceived romantic rival. At trial, the courts saw his journals filled with various entries about his twisted emotional state. At no point did this young man ever seek help.
These tragedies are not because there are too many guns or they spend too much time on social media. It's not because there are too many drugs. It's not because there are way too many tragic romances on TV or in the movies. Those are very, very important things to consider but they are not the root cause.
There is science (or more accurately neuroscience) to back up what I am saying. An influential book I read by Daniel Goleman is called "Emotional Intelligence." This was written in the 1990s and pushed forward the need to measure EQ - Emotional Quotient. EQ might be arguably more important than IQ since EQ measures a person's emotional maturity. Goleman documents how one school conducted an experiment where as each student's name is called during attendance, the student responds with a one-word emotion. That way, the teacher can gauge that student's emotional health and perhaps send that student to a guidance counselor if necessary.
Emotions are what Goleman and others scientists have called the "low road" (Goleman's words, not mine) where feelings are automatic. This is in the subconscious part. Your conscious brain doesn't have to tell your mouth to smile at a funny YouTube video or drum up the emotions if someone cuts you off on the freeway. Where your brain steps in is to stop the low road and redirect the traffic to the "high road" (again, Goleman's words, not mine). To rein in the feelings of fear, anger, or loneliness with rational thoughts. As I said earlier, your mood and emotions are very easily swayed. As a result, your thoughts and actions are just as easily swayed.
My point is that those those who are mentally healthy are also emotionally healthy. As you take stock of your mental health this month, do the same for your feelings. I will have to confess that for the most of February, I was extremely angry - mostly directed towards women. That was just before Valentine's Day and continued well into March. Men also made me angry so I was feeling an equal amount of hate. One friend confronted about my use of profanity. That led to a vow during Lent to stop being so mean and rather be more kind and tinder hearted.
My mom, my boss, and a few other people think I have a "resting angry face." Meanwhile, some other people at my church don't believe I get angry. What the latter don't realize is that I've had years of practice and been in Christian counseling to learn how to regulate my emotions. I learned to meditate on Bible verses that pertain to anger and fear. I did breathing exercises. I prayed and asked for prayers. Anything to interrupt the traffic on the low road and bring it to a higher road...
If you are dealing with teenagers going through all sorts of mood swings, especially after a break up, it can be frustrating. Teach them to find ways to process their emotions. Give them the benefit of your life experience and perspective.
This post about emotions and how much power they have is just the beginning. Like all psychologists will tell you, there are no quick easy fixes.
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