Perhaps

By Yetismith on July 31, 2024

0619/30th July 2024

Black-eyed Susans arrive in the height of summer and continue to bloom through Fall, which is why they mark the "beginning of the end" to me!

It will be weeks until Fall sets in, but already some trees have begun that slow turn, something I have never seen before the end of August till now.

But if there is anything I have learned by living in the country, it is that every year is different.

After dropping off Little Man for his surgery yesterday, we drove back through the cornfields.

I like the look of the land this time of year.

We went by the cemetery, to get a panoramic view, but we found that the road which goes up the hill had been washed out.

It's when I walk among headstones like this that I really miss England.

That may be a strange thing to say, but it's a reminder of all the ancient places in Europe.

There are so few here.

There are some, mainly in the southwest, an area I was very drawn to for its unique beauty. I got as far as looking at properties online but in the end I lacked the courage to move somewhere I'd only visited briefly.

Instead, I moved back to New York where I'd spent so many years, albeit not Upstate.

(Mesa Verde photo by Openverse)

Ancient places fascinate me but I suspect this is true for a lot of people.

Most, I was going to say most, but then a few personalities came to mind.

I won't pursue that.

The shadows were still long when we were out yesterday morning.

Since coming here I seem to notice everything more or perhaps it's that I appreciate everything more.

Long shadows being just one!

It isn't that I have become more passionate, it's that my mind has been freed of all the clutter of my earlier life.

As I packed up back in Seattle, it was as if all the old stuff in my brain got boxed up as well, tightly sealed and left behind.

After arriving in New York at 5 am, we drove north in a hired car, both of us exhausted. Anxious about the cats, we decided not to stop.

Leaving the metropolitan area, we found ourselves in open country with a wide open sky.

Turning to Grant I said:

"I can offer you a cough drop for breakfast."

Maybe it was the hysteria that comes with exhaustion but we began to laugh.

We have laughed a lot since.

Settling in to a new life, I waited for the other shoe to drop, for the old depression to rear its ugly head.

There have certainly been challenges in the past six years, but there has been no sign of the crushing despair that used to bring me down.

Will it return? I can see circumstances that might fetch it, but I'm not sure it would be the same.

Many years ago, a doctor who I esteemed once offered the opinion that I was not so much depressed as unhappy. However anti-depressants helped me to cope and I continued taking them.

All medications have side-effects but I expected to need anti-depressants for the rest of my life. Recently though, I started reducing the dosage. It has to be done very gradually and one needs to watch for changes.

In the past, I've experienced the roller coaster of emotions when medications were adjusted, so I know the symptoms, but nothing changed.

Not yet, anyway.

So perhaps my long ago doctor was right.