I just finished reading the memoir Crying in H Mart. It began as an essay in the New Yorker by Michelle Zauner and blossomed into a book. The author is the front woman of a very popular indie pop music group called Japanese Breakfast.
Michelle is the daughter of a Korean mother, Chongmi, and a Jewish American father Joel who is a car salesman. Michelle grew up on a rural property near Eugene Oregon. She maintained a strong sense of her Korean heritage because her mother took her to visit family in Korea almost every summer.
Michelle Zauner- photo from her publisher Penguin Random House
Michelle and her mother have a very fraught relationship especially when Michelle is a teen and young adult because her mother does not approve of the music career Michelle is pursuing or many of her lifestyle choices.
When her mother is diagnosed with cancer Michelle leaves Philadelphia where she lives with her partner Peter and comes home to Eugene to nurse her Mom.
Zauner's Psychopomp album features a photo of her mother reaching out to the camera- photo from Wikipedia
Little does Michelle know that the album of moving songs she will write and record during her mother's illness will become a big hit for Michelle's band Japanese Breakfast.
Crying in H Mart is honest to a fault and does not spare any details about the effects of Chongmi's cancer and her painful journey to the end of her life. It's hard to read.
As Michelle cares for her Mom she comes to realize that her mother does indeed love her and that her frequent criticism of Michelle and her endless unsolicited advice are one way of showing it. She realizes her mother only wanted the best for her daughter.
Another way Congmi demonstrated her love for Michelle was through the food she made and Crying in H Mart has lots of beautifully written passages about food. The title of the book comes from an experience Michelle has had frequently since her Mom died. An H Mart is an Asian grocery store and when Michelle visits one she will break down and cry because she sees so many of the ingredients her Mom used in her cooking.
Michelle Zauner onstage with her band Japanese Breakfast- photo from Wikipedia
I watched an episode Michelle did for a food show called Munchies and listened to some of the songs Michelle wrote during the time her Mom was dying. Here are the lyrics to one piece called My Mommy is Sick.
Try not to get
So righteous
About what's fair
For everyone
try not to think about my life without you
try to channel every light in me to render this benign
Crying in H Mart reminded me of other books I've read about the mother/daughter relationship in Asian families like The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, Wild Swans by Jung Chang and The Concubine's Children by Denise Chong.
Crying in H Mart was on the New York Times Bestseller list for 67 weeks. It was interesting for me to learn more about Michelle Zauner someone I hadn't heard of before I read the book.
I think her story will resonate with anyone who has walked through the last stages of illness and death with a parent.
Other posts...........
Pachinko
Hopeful Families in South Korea
A Family Connection to Joni Mitchell
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